i don't really know why i decided to do this, as some kind of experiment, i guess, but today i decided that i would imagine, as vividly as possible, cuddling with every single human being i encountered how it would feel to be that near and what we'd say and how it would smell, sound, taste regardless of ugliness, weight, smelliness, hairiness, age, gender, personality, or my relationship to the person specifically refraining from turning it into any kind of sexual thought about people i was actually attracted to the same imagined platonic physical comforting for everyone i was at work for a while, so there were a lot of customers i generally wouldn't feel comfortable being within a few meters of and at times the images in my head disgusted me, and saddened me and at other times they seemed ok, or even happy or just plain awkward sometimes, the possibility of some strange shared fleeting moment of relief from sad loneliness along with some kind of deeper understanding of one another's mind and soul is what i thought might occur i kind of wonder if i was behaving differently to everyone as i was doing this it didn't seem like it to me and i'm sure this was probably a really fucking creepy thing to do i feel extremely nervous about writing it down and i usually can write anything i think down without a second thought but i'm sure everyone's thought about doing creepier things to random strangers than holding them in their arms maybe i felt exhausted by the end of the day for some reason i also did actually cuddle with a girl i work with for a couple short periods of time and that was um fine but there were certainly no strange shared fleeting moments
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