loneliness is next to godliness

as god becomes your only friend, lover

neighbour, father, mother, sister,

brother, son and daughter

and you only become thirsty

Q. "have you ever been standing in line

to buy some socks only to have

a young blonde woman who is buying

underwear for her boyfriend pass between

you and the person in line in front of you

with a long stop to stare at you while she's in between

and then when she comes back she says excuse me and doesn't wait for you to move

then whenever you glance over to the line beside you she's looking at you and it's starting to get creepy, and at the same time make you wonder if there's something wrong, something strange on your face

'cause the woman running cash keeps looking at you too

and she doesn't try to make small talk with you like with the other people, and she doesn't tell you about the 30% off you can get if you use your club card like she told everyone else and she doesn't even thank you or tell you to have a good day

then when you go to the bookstore

and you forgot to get the book that you meant to get in the first place that was recommended to you, so you're buying a season in hell

and the 16 year old kid at the counter hands it back but doesn't let go for at least 30 seconds as you slowly increase the strength you're pulling it away from him with

and he looks straight into your eyes the whole time

then says "thanks" and lets go of the book

and you say "thanks" and "see you" and turn and leave and go to the bathroom

to see if you can figure out what the hell is suddenly so interesting about your completely uninteresting looking self

and there's nothing out of the ordinary

your right eye is a little bloodshot from lack of sleep

and there's a small pimple under your right nostril, but otherwise

you look the same as always

and you think maybe it's just that people are wondering what someone so pure and holy is doing in a fucking shopping mall

because you've felt your soul inside you glowing and alive all day and

holy visions had kept you awake all the night before

and everything since you got out of bed was as much a part of you as your body and your mind

when you stepped outside that morning it was snowing and you could feel every snow flake within miles from the time it left the cloud to the time it hit the ground

its path and its angle and how the wind changed it the way the light was hitting it

and the the molecules that were torn away during it's flight

all this knowledge was inside your veins for each snowflake and you could be them all, melting

and now in this mall bathroom with one of the fluorescent lights flickering above you and all of them making your skin look even oilier than it is

you are christ

or pretty damn close

and you understand that you will have to get used to people

trying to understand that too?"

A. "maybe,

were the socks black?"

Q. "well three pairs were, but there were also white cotton ones"

A. "then, no"

Moi, j'avais jamais rien dit. Rien

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