i remember being about five or four

and trying to pry something open

with a pair of scissors

and when it came loose

my arm

thought it was still trying to

pry something so it

was bringing the scissors straight

toward my eye as fast and as

hard as it could

by the time i could stop it

there was a scissor blade

between my eyeball and the

corner of my two eyelids

pretty deep past the eyelids

it was so fast i didn't even

have time to close my eyes

in defense

so i held the scissors there

pressed against my eyeball

and pressing against my tear duct

hard enough to hurt

for a few seconds

then slowly pulled it out

and wiped around the area

with my hand

to check for blood

there was just a lot of tears

from that one eye

no pain

no blood

and i thought a bit about how a few

millimeters left and i would have

cut open the eyeball

and about how a little bit harder i would have

sliced up the bright red flesh between

my eyelids

then i started to shake

and i felt cold

and so fragile

i hated existing

i wanted to vomit up everything

inside of me until i died

i swung my arms at nothing

i clenched my fists

and sweat dripped

i fell to the cement floor and tried

hard to press myself through it


everyday since then

i've felt the same way

usually less

but only less because i somehow feel

far away from my self

it's best


i can't understand why a flower

would ever bloom

there's air and everything

to tear at the petals


stay folded tightly

until you can fall

cold and whole

Moi, j'avais jamais rien dit. Rien

hosted by DiaryLand.com