my mom tells me there weren't very many people in church today last night i stopped at the liquor store on my way to this party and there were two women there fat, in their thirties, kind of pretty buying a case of budweiser, and bunch of those body buzz things carrying videos, i'm guessing they were going to get drunk and watch them together seemed kind of depressing but probably not as depressing as my night would be and i'm not even fat or in my thirties, yet as i'm driving to the party, i start to think about the real reason i stopped drinking for a while and since that's all gone to shit, there's not really any reason left i decide that i'll eventually drink myself to death it seems easy beck is in the tape deck he says "don't let it turn you into the things you hate the most" so i stop thinking for a bit a lot later, this girl is complaining to a few of us about this guy who hit on her and she breaks down starts crying, cause the guy was attacking her absent boyfriend "i mean we've been through a lot, he hasn't had a job for three months, and he's been really depressed and not eating or leaving the apartment and he's lost 50 pounds" (i touch her arm with two fingers) "but i shouldn't tell you this, it's not your problem, that's why i pay a therapist" i try to be kind, but fuck anyone who would rather talk about their problems to a therapist than to someone they know (and fuck people who can afford to keep a nice apartment in downtown vancouver, and a car while they're unemployed for three months) i need a place out in the country, just for the night skies my friend tells me about how amazing the northern lights were out there the other night i tell him to call me next time he can see them, so i can come out when i drink, i never stop until i start vomiting i blacked out for a bit in the morning i am the absent minded professor suit unbuttoned tie loose around my neck shirt untucked and stained my favourite days are ones when the snow is melting the snow is melting today my stomach aches, though leonard cohen is in the tape deck he says "the rain falls down on last year's man" and a few drops of rain land on my windshield i look up and there's one small cloud in the bright blue sky yeah, i know, i thought it was pretty ridiculous, too
|