there's a horrible feeling when nothing seems to matter and you can't feel anything or care about anything or desire anything or experience things like joy or pleasure and there's a horrible feeling when every single molecule in your body aches and screams and wants to stop existing and your mind finds everything and nothing excruciatingly and unbearably painful and ugly and like a violent assault and your soul prays for escape and all that you want is for it to end and you'd kill to only feel as bad as first horrible feeling |