there was a period of several weeks

when all i could think about was

slicing my stomach open and

disembowelling myself

like at all times

walking by myself

sitting around

trying to fall asleep

while people talked to me

i'd imagine them doing it for me

my intestines spilling all over

this is the only image i could see

the only thought that mattered

the same thing happened for a few weeks

with the thought of hacking off all

my limbs with an axe or sawing them

with a chainsaw

just constantly there over and over

in different forms

creative ways of getting the last limb

once again this idea being all that mattered

both times my dreams were all about the same thing too

its at times like these that i'd really like for someone to say

"there, there"

softly to me

Moi, j'avais jamais rien dit. Rien

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