i don't remember who or exactly how

but someone once said words to the effect

that if love is religion, then sex

is the church where you go to celebrate your religion

last year i was in fukuoka

and we were meeting my friend's friend

and his friend said he was inviting his friends

and that there was this girl coming

who loved guys who know english

that he thought it'd be good for me to meet her

so we went to this restaurant, where we were eating

rare horse meat, raw chicken and cartilage from i don't even know what animal

and drinking sake and beer

this girl was very cute

just got off work at the bank, i think

and wearing a blue business suit with white nylons

we were talking

she had been to california going to school for a while

mostly learning english

she had a brazilian boyfriend while she was there

she was trying to show off her english

so i kept telling her it was really good

after a while we decided to walk to a new place

we got there and drank more

probably ate more, too

she took my hand and put it on her thigh

and after a while she asked where i was sleeping

'at oniji's'

'what? he's only got one room and it's so small for all of you'

'i'm sure we'll manage'

the conversations continues

someone asks what nagasaki makes me think of

and in my drunkeness i say something absolutely stupid and embarassing

still, again, she asks where i'm sleeping

this time she mentions that her place is a lot bigger

well, we'll have to see, i tell her

my friend is wasted at this point and he goes


and i go

'hey al, how's it going?'

and he says

'well i'm really fucked, man


everyone at the table, english speaking or not,

understands what he means and starts laughing

the poor girl that's been talking to me turns bright red

she pushes my hand off her leg at the same time she asks

'what did he say?'

'oh i don't know, he's pretty drunk,

he was probably just trying to be funny'

she decided that it was probably time

for her to go home at that point

and everyone decided to leave

we ended up back at the apartment

i kept drinking steadily

everyone passed out except a woman

who barely spoke english, but said

some of the most beautiful things about

death and god and living a full life

i'd ever heard

but maybe i was just drunk

she convinced me to start drinking fruit juice instead of beer

i woke up on the bathroom floor

way past when we were supposed to be leaving

later, at the train station my friend got a call on his cell phone

'what kind of girl do you think i am?!? why would you say something like that?!?'

and he apologised profusely

to me too

but if he didn't say anything

i probably would have gone back to her place

and spoke my prettiest poetry

with my tongue pressed between her lips

and my hands on her hips

while she moaned and twisted

each l a flick

each t a hot breath

each m a kiss

each th touching her clit

and so on

wasting all those words

on somebody that only wanted me

because she had a thing for

white guys who spoke english

i was depressed and angry

and thinking meaningless sex

would have helped with that

maybe it would have

but i doubt it

and i've still only

ever made love

while i was in love

Moi, j'avais jamais rien dit. Rien

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