today this woman i work with told me a story about how

when she was 4 her dad told her and her brother to go find the cat and bring it back to him

so they did

then he put the cat in a box that was being filled with fumes from a hose attached to his car's exhaust

and he killed their still healthy pet cat in front of them

because their neighbour complained him about stepping in cat shit all the time

on a farm

with ten dogs

usually i feel extremely uncomfortable talking to everyone

but after hearing this story, i feel ok talking to her for some reason

i started feeling comfortable when talking to one of my best friends back when we were 9

and he told me about the time he had a really bad fever

and he was awake running around terrified

trying to find a way to get back onto the ground

because his fever was making him perceive that there was no gravity, and that he was standing on the ceiling

he said he had to go to the bathroom terribly badly

but he was so afraid that gravity would go back to normal while he was going and that he'd fall into the toilet

that he just held it for a painfully long time

i can probably pinpoint the conversations i've had with all the few people that i'm close to

that have broken this barrier, or whatever

i don't really see any link between them, though

except maybe honesty and clarity about something strange and hard to explain properly

or maybe just some experience that i feel like i understand precisely

Moi, j'avais jamais rien dit. Rien

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