at night, face swollen, teeth yellowed and with streams of white rum and dark blood running through the meat of his arms and legs and heart angry at it all, but mostly at me and i'll take the blame, there are things, always things that can be done i know i'm dreaming and i won't wake up i can remember making him laugh once him lifting weights in the basement once him sitting on his knees listening to the same song over and over for hours you lost that loving feeling or once upon a time we were falling in love now we're only falling apart i chant the words love and death over and over until they become strange and meaningless it's better than what i thought they meant well then it's time to get up and go to work past time, but i always try to be late while i'm driving there i think about how you've slept with men i wouldn't even want to ever have a conversation with wondering how that even makes sense then i wish i could heal you in every way then i think about what i should have for lunch there's sunlight, it's hot already if it was hailing, if it was freezing cold i would still walk slowly inside underneath god's sky and pour myself the same cup of cold, cold water
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