at night, face swollen, teeth yellowed

and with streams of white rum and dark blood running through

the meat of his arms and legs and heart

angry at it all, but mostly at me

and i'll take the blame, there are

things, always things that can be done

i know i'm dreaming and i won't wake up

i can remember making him laugh once

him lifting weights in the basement once

him sitting on his knees listening to the

same song over and over for hours

you lost that loving feeling or

once upon a time we were falling in love

now we're only falling apart

i chant the words love and death

over and over until they become

strange and meaningless

it's better than what i thought they meant

well then it's time to get up and go to work

past time, but i always try to be late

while i'm driving there i think about how you've slept with men i wouldn't

even want to ever have a conversation with

wondering how that even makes sense

then i wish i could heal you

in every way

then i think about what i should have for lunch

there's sunlight, it's hot already

if it was hailing, if it was freezing

cold i would still walk slowly inside

underneath god's sky

and pour myself the same cup of cold, cold water

Moi, j'avais jamais rien dit. Rien

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