i get to school halfway through my only class, today spend more time on the train than there i go to the food place to get a shwarma sandwich, but decide i'm not hungry go back to the lab to work, and decide i'm too sleepy my eyes hurt i got back home and my mom asks me to cash a check for her the girl at the bank that i secretly adore tries to talk to me a bit and i say everything stupid and empty i possibly can i go home and lay down listen to a mix cd my brother made can't fall asleep pay attention to the words to miss misery for the first time give up on sleeping get up for three seconds give up on everything lay back down and wait for nothing when it comes i go and start my program and talk to some people i like after a while it's time to go to the film festival with my friend he shows up half an hour late because he was in an intense game of monopoly against his computer it doesn't matter, 'cause they won't sell us tickets in advance, anyway the first film is palestinian after i adjusted and started to understand the style and the pace it was kind of great, but biased we run into my friend's palestinian friend on the way out it made her parents cry a guy outside introduces himself to me as indian joe he holds out his hand to shake but he doesn't bother to open it up, or squeeze he's fucked up and about to ask me for money for the train, like he's asked everyone else around before he commodifies our relationship, a woman he knows says hi, and gives him a bus ticket we turn to some brilliant young filmmaker from manitoba who was recognized at cannes and my friend went to a speech he gave he says that that was the best movie he's seen all year he needs to see more movies anyway, we leave it's fucking cold it shouldn't be this cold yet i'm drinking tea right now, and i'm still cold it just turned october my friend wants to go drink beer with some guys i don't know and play foosball so i get him to drop me off at another theatre and go see a movie that is all just picasso painting pictures on this paper that bleeds through so all you can see are his paintings as they're created surprisingly not boring at all and kind of amazing best part: "should we do one more?" "i could do this all night" "ok, but i've only got 25 minutes of film left, so you'll have to hurry" "no problem" picasso then uses up 23 minutes sketching a boquet of roses growing inside of a fish that's swimming inside of a chicken "ok, i'm ready to start with my ink" "all right, hurry, we've only got two minutes" "don't worry" picasso paints red eyes mouth and nose over top of his sketch some blue hair around it and then paints solid black over everthing that he spent 22 minutes sketching, to make a face the director is smoking a pipe and i'd like to think he was enfuriated i like picasso a lot it's raining while i walk to the train station and while i walk to the bus and while i walk to my house i'm feeling all right for the first time in a long time i talk to my brother for about one second and go to my friend's house it's raining pretty hard on the highway i can't see anything, and i have no idea how fast i'm going so i decide to see how fast i can go before i get scared i get scared my car will fall apart before i get scared of the speed my friend makes me rice/tapioca bagels with meat and mayonnaise and honey mustard and lettuce and potato chips on them and hands me a beer he's one of my favourite human beings in this world we make each other laugh with a few stories and watch yet another movie he falls asleep i like it and then leave feeling truly happy for the first time in months for no good reason the stars aren't out and it's stopped raining, but that doesn't really matter it doesn't last long but that's ok the drive home i feel sad, and angry, and lonely i want somebody to touch my face as if it were something beautiful
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