1. i need to spend less time playing around

and more time getting shit done

before my hands stop working

they already don't work too good

broken and shakey

my ambitions are strange though

almost the opposite of ambitions

that i'm desperate to achieve

while remembering a man has

nothing to offer the world

until the day he lays dead

2. i have trouble discerning between

beauty and dumb violence

3. whenever i hear about someone commiting suicide

there is always some self-righteous

asshole who says that the dead person

was selfish and is a bad person

for doing such a selfish thing

but to commit suicide is probably a decision come to

when most people are at a point where

they feel so unloved that they don't

think that any other people will

be greatly affected by their death

that they'll be able to eventually get over it, at worst

and often think that everyone

will be better off without them anyway

it may be slightly selfish in its

own aim to end suffering or escape pain

but i'm sure for the most part

real suicides, (not bullshit 'cry for help' half-hearted attempts) think long and hard

and feel a lot of guilt about what they do

what i think is fucking selfish, though

and disgusting

are people who think that another human

being should suffer and suffer and

go through all kinds of horrors

only because it would make them sad if that person died

that is fucking selfish

people who aren't upset

that the deceased won't get to experience more beauty

or that they won't ever have found that there might have been better things if they made it through the darkness

or that they were in so much pain and weren't, or couldn't, or wouldn't be helped

who are upset only because of how it affects them and people they know who in turn affect them

people who refer to all suicides as selfish acts

if killing people like that would bring

back the ones they're so angry at

and heal them and ease their pain

i would do it

my aim would be dead on

Moi, j'avais jamais rien dit. Rien

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